Identity

An old rock song goes like this,

Does anybody know what time it is?

Does anybody really care?

I think it is something like that when it comes to Identity:

Does anybody really know who I am?

Does anybody really care?

This is one of those subjects that can seem abstract, but in fact everyone is trying to advance their own identity and our actions are motivated by an underlying script that is often not recognized.

We automatically compare ourselves - with what others have, with how they look, with whether their accomplishments are greater or lesser than ours, with xxxxx.  It is almost annoying.  It is energy-draining.  I am not exempt.

But in our best moments, we are focused not on trying to obtain value, but in  worship.  It lifts us out of the "rat race" of trying to increase our value, and we find that we simply are, and are OK, in the place of recognizing One who is worthy.

It's not that looking at how our friends think of us, or how we rate compared to others at work, or whether we are as good a public speaker or student or athlete or brain is totally mistaken.  The fact is that our Identity is found in relationship to something outside of ourselves.  We do not give identity to ourselves - it is bestowed.  The problem is where we look to find that "bestow-ment."  

Identity is like the North Star - it is where we are located in relation to a fixed point.  That is why the break-down of the family is so devastating to society - the "fixed point" of the nuclear family, when taken away, leaves a wandering sense of not belonging, there is no "fixed point" from which to find ourselves.  For in this sense, Identity is not found within.

Ultimately, it is to be found in where we are in relation to God - and what He says about who I am.

Humility

Humility.  Incarnation.

The assignment was to construct an experience where we were setting aside our rights on behalf of another's, where we were emptying ourselves in order to see Divine life flow down.

I don't feel like it went like that!

As one of the students, Kara, said - "This is one of those times where the assignment finds us."  I found that to be only too true in my case.  The assignment was given on Thursday, and on Friday morning I found myself in a Peacemaker Mediation proceeding, with others, seeking to understand and be understood, looking for some common ground and a solution to our differences.  It was a business dispute regarding something in the past, of which the details are not important.  I don't really even like to write about it, or publish it on the web.  I want to honor the parties involved.  But the fact is that these issues, these situations, are not far from any of us, and in this case not far from me.

We came to some resolution regarding the issue at hand, and then I struggled.  I had a hard time recovering from a somewhat intense period of my life.  I questioned the process, the outcome;  I felt emotionally depleted;  I don't think this is the kind of "emptying" that the assignment envisioned!  But there was an opportunity to exercise humility, to try to understand, to not seek my own interest, to continue to reach out.  Several times in the process I recalled our RTI class and subject theme, and it called me up higher, encouraged me to look at this situation from a different point of view.

Something is getting worked on (or getting worked out) in my life.  I just hope I have the humility to receive it!

A Rose and A Rock

I am referring, in this Blog, to the "Rose and Rock" project, which deals with applying forgiveness to the situations we find ourselves in.  This week, I was carrying a Rock.

I hate that rock.  I've carried it before.  I actually felt some release from it this week, as if the word might be "you can let it go, let Me take care of that."

I'm glad that I have pressed into trying to keep somewhat "current" with this relationship, though there may be more work to come.

So much in life revolves around the topic of forgiveness - justice issues, Jesus' parable about the importance of forgiving, the ability to continue on after making mistakes, relationship issues, the spiritual life - I am seeing this as a "rich" area to mine!

May you find success in mining this nugget, and enjoy the freedom that comes from it, for the rest of your days!

Solitude

Solitude

This has been a great week for solitude.  But why do I hesitate?  Why does it seem hard to get there?  It think it is for the very reason I need it - my life too easily can revolve around the half-baked, half-satisfying, half-truth that “I am what I produce.”  Busyness replaces Being.  

I have found that these experiences of Solitude ground me in a way that nothing else can.  There is a rhythm to life that the “quiet-down experience” starts to drum...it calls to me, this life of “nothing,” which connects me to something that I can’t quite name.  I am reminded that I am not in charge of the Universe, and that my action - though when it flows out of fulness is blessed - is not the Prime Mover;  my ideas of control, and hiding, are challenged.  I am forced to look outside of myself for help, and for Identity. 

As a regular practice, it helps me remember.  It helps me “number my days,” to quote a famous Psalmist (Moses.)  This Exercise helps me know who I am, and points me to God.

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If you find me today, you will find me...running!  And if you note the time of this post, you will understand that I have been...running!  Solitude this week has been great - it has grounded me in ways that I am not grounded otherwise.   Here are some thoughts from a past post that relate to the present experience of Solitude.

Distracting.  Discouraging us (why can't I even focus on my Bible, get my devotions "done?")  Accusing us.

What if we looked at these "distractions" in a different way?  What if instead of being competitors with God as we enter our devotional time, these are actually the very things that He wants to talk with us about?  He is drawn to what is going on inside of us - He likes you,  and wants to hear about what is happening in your life.  Why don't we pray our distractions, and make them attractions?

These distractions can attract God's presence, and bring Him into the mix of our worlds.  Sometimes I need to list out these things that are on my mind, and pray over them a bit, before I can really focus on my devotional time or a Bible reading.  Sometimes these become the thing that my devotional time is about.  Something on the list gets "highlighted."  Here is an area where I need some help.  Here is where Reality (big "R") is seeking to alter my version of reality (little "r.")

Thanks for pressing into this stuff!

The Streams

I like the image of water flowing;  it is lively;  it carries a sense of effortlessness;  it brings joy.

I really think that is the intention behind the display of God's glory in the church, which presents itself in many "streams," representing a God of variety, who can't be held or contained by any one group within Christendom.  Sure, there have been "malfunctions" along the way, and we have muddied the waters.  And yes, there are "counterfeit streams" as well.  Nonetheless, the Spirit flows on through the church, and she is being refined, to be beautiful on That Day.

I spent some time at the Mt. Angel Abbey this past week, taking in Noon Prayers - and while I was reminded of some of the differences between this tradition and the stream I worship in, I also recognized some similarities.   One of them was the result of a rather small act.  The monks, 25 or so of them, had lined the vestibule of the Sanctuary and were reciting their mid-day prayers.  One of the monks, part-way through, stepped out of the line, turned, and bowed toward the cross.  What did the other monks think of this display?  He moved and "motioned" when no one else was.  Did they feel nervous for him?  Was he feeling awkward for exhibiting his devotion to his Master?  Was this a socially acceptable action in a very solemn assembly?  Was he self-conscious?  Were others wondering if he would embarrass them or himself?

The social and personal implications of worship in this liturgical Catholic setting were the same that many of us have experienced in our own place of worship.  Someone raises her hand, or - hmmm - stands up.  Awkward or OK?  Acceptable or frowned upon?  Worshiping free, or constrained by our fears, judgments, and - is it pride?  I'm not sure about that last one, but I am sure that no matter what stream we come from or worship in, unreserved abandon to the Master is a beautiful thing in His eyes!

Ecclesiology

I'm headed up to the Mt. Angel Abbey for noon prayers tomorrow (Fri.), so will post after that.  My schedule got kinda crazy this week - so I took the "2nd weekend" out that I was trying to encourage us not to take!

Who Am I?

First a Rock, then a Cross - and now I am carrying a Card.  It has been useful to me.  I have found myself referring to the Truth that is written on the card at certain points during the week, points at which I find myself fearful, not wanting to open an e-mail for fear of what it will say, not wanting to engage in a conversation for fear of the outcome.

The Card grounds me.  And I need this grounding.

It seems that there are forces that want to dig away at my identity, telling me that I am who I am not, seeking to de-stabalize my foundation.

How long will you assault me...this leaning wall, this tottering fence? (Ps.62.3)

And then the word of Truth comes along, and Reality returns.

I want to walk in this Reality, to live in it.  I want to go higher.

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The "Who Am I" readings have been helpful this week, as well.  Reading them aloud morning and night forces me to say things about "who I am" that are not always easy to say.  I must admit that I am not always ready to do this exercise in a calm, "space-ful" manner.  I am hurried - to go brush my teeth, (of all the crazy things!) or to get off to work.  I must slow down, capture my pace, and enter in.

As I do I realize that it is hard for me to focus on the words.  I can be reading them out loud, while my mind is working on some other issue.  I used to call these distractions.  Don't you have them?  You sit down to have a devotional time, you want to read scripture and pray, and all of a sudden - Wham! - there is a whole "grocery list" of items that clamor for attention.  It might be an actual grocery list (!), or a paper that you need to write, or a conversation you are having in your head with another person, or a problem you are trying to work out.  These are things we are carrying around with us all day long, but until we stop! for quiet, we are somewhat unaware of them.  They just niggle at our inner being and reduce our focus, sap our energy.  Now, they are - we suppose - sapping our devotional time as well.  Distracting.  Discouraging us (why can't I even focus on my Bible, get my devotions "done?")  Accusing us.

What if we looked at these "distractions" in a different way?  What if instead of being competitors with God as we enter our devotional time, these are actually the very things that He wants to talk with us about?  He is drawn to what is going on inside of us - He likes you,  and wants to hear about what is happening in your life.  Why don't we pray our distractions, and make them attractions?

These distractions can attract God's presence, and bring Him into the mix of our worlds.  Sometimes I need to list out these things that are on my mind, and pray over them a bit, before I can really focus on my devotional time or a Bible reading.  Sometimes these become the thing that my devotional time is about.  Something on the list gets "highlighted."  Here is an area where I need some help.  Here is where Reality (big "R") is seeking to alter my version of reality (little "r.")

It happened this morning as I read through the "Who Am I" list.  While I can hear myself reading the list out loud, I am aware that I am thinking about something else.  I am concerned about how others in my group at work will respond to ideas that I have about a building project that I am in charge of.  I am concerned about how they will think about me.  Oh - that's it - I have dealt with this before.  I am concerned about my reputation.  I stop for a few moments and repent (one more time) for my concern about my reputation.  As best I can, I let that go.  Now I am free, I can enter into the reading, I can hear new words regarding what my Father is saying about me.  I can hear something new about "Who I Am."