The Streams

I like the image of water flowing;  it is lively;  it carries a sense of effortlessness;  it brings joy.

I really think that is the intention behind the display of God's glory in the church, which presents itself in many "streams," representing a God of variety, who can't be held or contained by any one group within Christendom.  Sure, there have been "malfunctions" along the way, and we have muddied the waters.  And yes, there are "counterfeit streams" as well.  Nonetheless, the Spirit flows on through the church, and she is being refined, to be beautiful on That Day.

I spent some time at the Mt. Angel Abbey this past week, taking in Noon Prayers - and while I was reminded of some of the differences between this tradition and the stream I worship in, I also recognized some similarities.   One of them was the result of a rather small act.  The monks, 25 or so of them, had lined the vestibule of the Sanctuary and were reciting their mid-day prayers.  One of the monks, part-way through, stepped out of the line, turned, and bowed toward the cross.  What did the other monks think of this display?  He moved and "motioned" when no one else was.  Did they feel nervous for him?  Was he feeling awkward for exhibiting his devotion to his Master?  Was this a socially acceptable action in a very solemn assembly?  Was he self-conscious?  Were others wondering if he would embarrass them or himself?

The social and personal implications of worship in this liturgical Catholic setting were the same that many of us have experienced in our own place of worship.  Someone raises her hand, or - hmmm - stands up.  Awkward or OK?  Acceptable or frowned upon?  Worshiping free, or constrained by our fears, judgments, and - is it pride?  I'm not sure about that last one, but I am sure that no matter what stream we come from or worship in, unreserved abandon to the Master is a beautiful thing in His eyes!

Ecclesiology

I'm headed up to the Mt. Angel Abbey for noon prayers tomorrow (Fri.), so will post after that.  My schedule got kinda crazy this week - so I took the "2nd weekend" out that I was trying to encourage us not to take!

Who Am I?

First a Rock, then a Cross - and now I am carrying a Card.  It has been useful to me.  I have found myself referring to the Truth that is written on the card at certain points during the week, points at which I find myself fearful, not wanting to open an e-mail for fear of what it will say, not wanting to engage in a conversation for fear of the outcome.

The Card grounds me.  And I need this grounding.

It seems that there are forces that want to dig away at my identity, telling me that I am who I am not, seeking to de-stabalize my foundation.

How long will you assault me...this leaning wall, this tottering fence? (Ps.62.3)

And then the word of Truth comes along, and Reality returns.

I want to walk in this Reality, to live in it.  I want to go higher.

--------------------

The "Who Am I" readings have been helpful this week, as well.  Reading them aloud morning and night forces me to say things about "who I am" that are not always easy to say.  I must admit that I am not always ready to do this exercise in a calm, "space-ful" manner.  I am hurried - to go brush my teeth, (of all the crazy things!) or to get off to work.  I must slow down, capture my pace, and enter in.

As I do I realize that it is hard for me to focus on the words.  I can be reading them out loud, while my mind is working on some other issue.  I used to call these distractions.  Don't you have them?  You sit down to have a devotional time, you want to read scripture and pray, and all of a sudden - Wham! - there is a whole "grocery list" of items that clamor for attention.  It might be an actual grocery list (!), or a paper that you need to write, or a conversation you are having in your head with another person, or a problem you are trying to work out.  These are things we are carrying around with us all day long, but until we stop! for quiet, we are somewhat unaware of them.  They just niggle at our inner being and reduce our focus, sap our energy.  Now, they are - we suppose - sapping our devotional time as well.  Distracting.  Discouraging us (why can't I even focus on my Bible, get my devotions "done?")  Accusing us.

What if we looked at these "distractions" in a different way?  What if instead of being competitors with God as we enter our devotional time, these are actually the very things that He wants to talk with us about?  He is drawn to what is going on inside of us - He likes you,  and wants to hear about what is happening in your life.  Why don't we pray our distractions, and make them attractions?

These distractions can attract God's presence, and bring Him into the mix of our worlds.  Sometimes I need to list out these things that are on my mind, and pray over them a bit, before I can really focus on my devotional time or a Bible reading.  Sometimes these become the thing that my devotional time is about.  Something on the list gets "highlighted."  Here is an area where I need some help.  Here is where Reality (big "R") is seeking to alter my version of reality (little "r.")

It happened this morning as I read through the "Who Am I" list.  While I can hear myself reading the list out loud, I am aware that I am thinking about something else.  I am concerned about how others in my group at work will respond to ideas that I have about a building project that I am in charge of.  I am concerned about how they will think about me.  Oh - that's it - I have dealt with this before.  I am concerned about my reputation.  I stop for a few moments and repent (one more time) for my concern about my reputation.  As best I can, I let that go.  Now I am free, I can enter into the reading, I can hear new words regarding what my Father is saying about me.  I can hear something new about "Who I Am."

The Cross

(Week 6)

This week's assignment was carrying the cross.  An actual cross.  Well, a 2' high cross, that we made in class.  It was supposed to go with us wherever we went, reminding us to think about a scripture that refers to "taking up your cross."

I was not prepared for the outcome.  I had expected embarrassment, inconvenience, or hardship of some kind.

Wow - I experienced comfort.  After carrying a Rock for the past week - an irritating annoyance, a reminder that I had a personal situation that needed to be made right - carrying the cross was a comfort.  At points during the week I held the cross (more accurately, hugged the cross) and the sensed friendship of the cross, not the rejection of the cross.

There is something powerful about taking something that is in the "invisible" (realm) and bringing it into the "visible."  Unseen realities become seen in new ways.  I kind of think that is what our job is as believers.  We are a canvas upon which invisible realities can become visible, upon which beauties of the unseen world can be revealed.                              

Forgiveness

And now - I need to ask you to forgive me!  I am helping to instruct the course that originated this blog, but I did not even get my own assignment - blogging about this week's "experience" - done on time.  I need a Rose to give to you!

----------------

Forgiveness is one of those powerful acts that is central to the Christian faith, but in Evangelical circles somehow seems to have landed on the periphery when it comes to our practice.   In a Lifepath (Steps) program that I went through a while back, we discussed a book called "Hope in the Fast Lane."  The author lamented the loss of Confession in the Evangelical "stream," pointing out that it is central to the salvation experience - but not carried on afterward.  His feeling was that Christians have lost the original joy that came at their conversion, because they have lost the art of Confession.  Ongoing confession brings ongoing joy!

But, now - it is too easy to "get into the head" about this, to live in theory about forgiveness instead of dealing with it in experience.  And experiencing the theology is what this class is all about.

I carried a Rock.

The assignment was to take a Rose or a Rock - a Rose to remind us to go make things right with people that are wrong;  or a Rock if we weren't ready to deal with it or didn't know how to handle the situation.  The rock did irritate me to some degree, it was rather large and I would feel the weight in my pocket from time-to-time, and be reminded of the situation at hand.  I probably would have felt a sort of "emotional claustrophobia" from being unable to get away from a painful situation, if the pain weren't already on the forefront of my mind.  The Rock became another thing to think about;  another piece of clutter in my emotional world.  Having to think about it, remember to transfer it when I changed clothes, being reminded of it when I bumped into something, wondering if it was scratching or tearing up my pants - these are pretty accurate indicators of what the emotional weight of conflict does in my soul.

And then I realized, with a couple of days left in the "experience," that I was not wearing the Rock as I slept, at night-time.  Uugh.  I chose to forego it.  No matter - the weight of conflict was still there!

I have since abandoned the Rock, but I have not abandoned concern about the situation at hand.  I want to walk in freedom.  I want to run my identity so straight with Jesus that pain in conflict is not about how I am seen, how well I am responding, or how my self can be elevated - it is about doing what my Father asks and seeing spiritual power released by walking "true" in the situation.  I can't quite find words for it.  I am not saying that I do it or can do it.  But at the risk of being completely corny and losing your respect - and while I don't intend every blog in this series to end with this phrase - in this area I do want to "Go Higher."  I want it bad enough to say it.












  

Kenosis

Kenosis - the emptying of self;  Jen and I were talking about how to put this into practice, what could be done to live it.  I wasn't coming up with much - give over some tough decisions that need to be made in the business (happily!), or maybe miss a lunchtime meal.  She was coming up with some "zingers" - do without housing, go down to Bush Park and spend the night;  go to Portland and beg on the street for food;  go stay in the Mission and experience being without your own family.  I had been joking about giving over the tough business decisions - and as we talked, we put some words to it.  There is a difference between emptying and abdicating.  To empty is to no longer hold onto self-interest, to no longer look or focus on Me.  It is to look upon Another.  Abdicating is looking out for my own self-interest, it is acting in self-protection.  Abdicating piles up burdens and adds to the load for another day.  Emptying means immediate freedom - can you picture the joy of cleaning out your closet and throwing away a basket-load (or two!) of old junk?  Now there is room in there to move. 

In the end, I did not sleep out under the stars, waiting to be nibbled on by a squirrel or kicked in the side by some passer-by.  I did fast at lunchtime, giving up my right to be full, saying no to one desire because there is something I desire more.  Fasting is a sort of emptying;  instead of looking out for my own will I am seeking to attend to Another one.

It was a simple fast - I skipped a meal.  But I could feel the pain of an unmet desire, as I spent an hour just waiting.  There was no major spiritual manifestation or "Holy Ghost outbreak" - but that was OK.  Even in response to a class assignment, it was a practical and physical expression of an inward desire to go higher!