Kenosis

Kenosis - the emptying of self;  Jen and I were talking about how to put this into practice, what could be done to live it.  I wasn't coming up with much - give over some tough decisions that need to be made in the business (happily!), or maybe miss a lunchtime meal.  She was coming up with some "zingers" - do without housing, go down to Bush Park and spend the night;  go to Portland and beg on the street for food;  go stay in the Mission and experience being without your own family.  I had been joking about giving over the tough business decisions - and as we talked, we put some words to it.  There is a difference between emptying and abdicating.  To empty is to no longer hold onto self-interest, to no longer look or focus on Me.  It is to look upon Another.  Abdicating is looking out for my own self-interest, it is acting in self-protection.  Abdicating piles up burdens and adds to the load for another day.  Emptying means immediate freedom - can you picture the joy of cleaning out your closet and throwing away a basket-load (or two!) of old junk?  Now there is room in there to move. 

In the end, I did not sleep out under the stars, waiting to be nibbled on by a squirrel or kicked in the side by some passer-by.  I did fast at lunchtime, giving up my right to be full, saying no to one desire because there is something I desire more.  Fasting is a sort of emptying;  instead of looking out for my own will I am seeking to attend to Another one.

It was a simple fast - I skipped a meal.  But I could feel the pain of an unmet desire, as I spent an hour just waiting.  There was no major spiritual manifestation or "Holy Ghost outbreak" - but that was OK.  Even in response to a class assignment, it was a practical and physical expression of an inward desire to go higher!